The Childish Choices We Make

This is a humorous short story intended to expose the childish nature of the political landscape by having a middle school run a mock presidential election.

There was a middle school that was determined to answer an important question: how childish were we when it came to politics?

So the school started its own mock election. A few students were chosen at random to be the candidates. Even though it was only a mock election, the students would treat it as if it were a real presidential election. After the candidates were selected, the students sat down and watched as the candidates pleaded their cases. The first name was called.

“Jubilee?” a teacher called. Jubilee started speaking

“We deserve a better place for everyone,” Jubilee said. As Jubilee spoke, some students were heard complaining, saying something along the lines of “this girl’s crazy and she’s just making this stuff up.”

“Hey, you gotta respect us ladies while we’re speaking,” Jubilee said. The audience applauded.

After Jubilee finished her speech, the next student was called.

“Michael?” Another teacher called. Michael pleaded his case.

“…and we will ensure that men reign supreme!” Michael said after a bit of rambling. The men started cheering loudly enough to be heard across the school.

After the first two students delivered their speeches, it was already clear that this election was just as polarizing as a real US presidential election. Broad clashes of ideologies shrouded the school. A few other candidates were considered, but they were pretty much irrelevant. All eyes were on Jubilee and Michael.

As the election drew closer, Michael and his supporters grew more extreme. The hateful messages spread, and Jubilee was losing momentum while Michael was making huge gains, especially among the male students. Some of the smarter students discussed how ridiculous the situation was.

“These guys are crazy and the adults will make fun of us and our school,” one of the smarter students said.

“I know, right? Why can’t we just get along?” another student replied. Little did they know that this was a scarily accurate reflection of how adults behave in the political realm.

“Everyone just thinks that their truth is the only one that matters,” a student commented. These voices were silent compared to the other students.

A few days passed, and the election began. Students from all over the middle school cast their ballots, and it was up to the count to determine who came out on top.

The counting process was monitored very closely. By this point, the election gained the attention of people around the country. Everyone was waiting for the results, and what the election would ultimately prove for political science.

The result was decisive: Michael won the election, proving to everyone watching that we are absolutely childish when it comes to politics. In real elections and in the school, hateful candidates came out on top.

Of course, not everyone agreed with the results. Some people complained, and as always some people didn’t give a [BEEP] about the results.

In the days following the election, intellectuals took a step back and wondered: why are people like this? Well, here’s the short answer: because this is America, damn it, and if there’s one thing we like, it’s doing things in the convoluted, American way!